New York’s Met Ball: the Oscar’s fashion where sartorial royalty take to the red carpet like ducks to water. The result is utterly fabulous, although not without casualities along the way, with bad choices from stylists leaving snaps of slebs smiling obliviously from behind the faux-pas littered around Worst Dressed features in rag mags around the world.
The winners of the night were clearly to me the girls who broke the ubiquitous ball gown rules and showed some sartorial savvy. The androgynous look particularly was pulled off in style this year, with Chanel Iman coming out top in her Michael Kors gold jumpsuit, Alexa Chung (who else!?) in her cutie-pie 3.1 Phillip Lim braces ‘n’ tux combo, and points go to Tina Fey for trying at least with that YSL jumpsuit, though the accessorising coulda funked things up some more.
The girls who went super-short did it with absolute class and also stole the night. Yes, that’s you Gisele, from the land of post-natal (baby – what?) and chart-topping bank balance. She pulled off the rock chick vibe with utter pizazz in a creating by Alexander Wang for Gap. Meanwhile, Blake Lively looked a dream in her Marchesa minidress, in a gorgeous shade of ocean blue, and showed definitely how less is more with both colour and ruffles, balancing strong fabric shade and shape with mile-long legs.
Of the bitchin’ gowns, we especially liked a couple. Coco Rocha‘s sumptuous watercolour Zac Posen ruffly dream was by far the winner, with the awesome mix of colours going on in there and the blancing act between delicate and feminine neckline and the bassy structure weighing in at the bottom. Imam, the superwoman, stunned the crowds in her silky Prada number in classic black, with retro curls and an A-list smile. Thandie Newton flew the flag for Blighty in her fuschia Vivienne Westwood frock.
One-shoulder gowns proved a popular choice. Kirsten Dunst opted for lace and some weird looking booties in maritorial white, a hot topic of the night, by Rodarte, a colour also sported by Hermione Granger. Can you tell what her smug little face is telling us this time? That’s right, not only is her gown custom-designed by Burberry boy Christopher Bailey, but he’s managed to give her a slit that’s elegant and not slutty. It also says yes, that I’m fabulously rich makes me the most beautiful and adored fashionista in the land, though there are million more stylish than me, hee hee! In other one-sided news, Jessica Alba was perfection of Hollywood glamour puss wrapped in swathes of nude satin, matched with old-school waves and a cute little clutch. Naomi Watts meanwhile was a modern icon, in another well-pulled off slit of the night, and matched her lipstick to her Stella McCartney dress. They don’t piss about, these slebs.
Talking of well-placed slits, there were some funny-looking trains going on too. Eva Longoria‘s Marchesa one scores an A for being classic old A-list, but was it possibly a bit too long? Or just dull? As for Stella McCartney‘s thing, it just looks like a flap at the back of a short dress; to be honest, trains only really work at the back of a wedding gown, and even then, there’s a fine line between a sweep of majesty and a huge bit of material whacked on the back of a dress. Poor Liv Tyler was also convinced by pal Stella to wear another of the designer’s new “flapper” dresses which can only mean they’re not selling well and need an airing. But Stella darling, you know we love you, and she more than redeemed herself with Kate Hudson‘s sublime grey and draped stunner, replete with -yes, you guessed it – a nicely placed slit.
Silver was another poker hot choice of the night. Gwen Stefani rocked up in a gown from her own label L.A.M.B. in a minimalist sort of sleek silhouette. Next up on the notches was Marion Cotillard‘s Dior gown, fit for a Hollywood princess, in gorgeous sequins and shimmer, and offset perfectly with her dark and glossy up-do. Nicole Ritchie exuded rock chick royalty with her Grecian-style Marc Jacobs choice accessoried with black bangs, bag and belt. Definitely one hot lil mamma, the girl has left a certain hotel hieress aeons behind her, who just so happens to be banned from the Marc Jacobs runway shows for being, well, a bit trashy, quite frankly. But enough on the gossip, the real icy blast of silver glory came in the form of a Zuhair Murad gown werked by Miss Jennifer Lopez. Not our fave Lopez ensemble, but the leaf designs on the full skirt are a dream.
Ruffles were a big one too; Oprah Winfrey‘s Oscar de la Renta number was just heaving in them, as was Riley Keough‘s Rodarte look, although babe, we know nude is in but for God’s ake don’t match it tu your skin, hair and shoes. The girl looked like a big skin-coloured blob. Better, though looking no happier for it, Rosie Huntington-Whitely‘s Burberry choice where, strangely enoguh, the belt actually seemed to work none too bad. Sienna Miller‘s Pucci dress came right up at the front – was that for us to look at her shoes? she coulda done bette down there, tbh, the thick ankle straps were kind of heavy and she would have done good with something more leg-lengthening. Well, if you’re bck to being one half of the world’s most gorgeous couple you don’t care about your shoes, instead of being other woman to a fat cat Russian billionaire.
Frothy ruffles are all very well, but some pulled off a more minimalist look; Diane Kruger was simplicity in perfection in white Calvin Klein and slicked back hair. Amber Valetta‘s deep blue Versace number was fabulouso, and with white shoes and tan encpsulated easy Italian glamour.
So what of the losers? Oh of those there were many. First, short and bad. Carey Mulligan, we’ll start with you. The girl seems to be toted as some kind icon, but from this grey bag looks no such thing. Well no, the dress would look brilliant had she remembered to put on some jewellery and not paired it with opaques and hideous black shoes that look like what your mum wore to the office in the 80s. And her cute pixie crop does nothing for it either. She looks like little girl from the hemline up and businesswoman from the hem down. Chloe Sevigny is anothr one. Why do people like this woman? She consistently looks balls. Its like she’s got this title of being quirky and thus makes it to best dressed lists, but frankly, she looks awkward. The Proenza Schouler dress is nice enough, but not with updo and those heavy blck hoes, girl. She might be in YSL but January Jones looks more like she’s at a fancy dress party as YSL. The gloves are total overkill, she doesn;t have the right skin tone at all for that shade of fuschia and her hair puller back looks hideous. I don’t know who you are, but you failed.
Big and bad were also a trend it seemed. Katy Perry tried to grab the quirky fashion title once again in her bizzare white gown with light-up LEDs. Now, I would like this a lot, were it not also paired with the predictable Perry plunging neckline and mile of leg on show. FFS bbz, we know you’re a hot lady, you don’t have to shove it down our throats at every opportunity. The pin-up girl thing is cute but, I mean, one-trick pony or what? And then there were breasts; Christina Hendricks is obviously very pleased with herself on owning those baps, which is why she barely managed to stuff them down the L’Wren Scott gown which, if you’re interested, does nothing for her pale-face skin tone and with the red lippy makes her look like a voluptuous French flag. Eva Mendes is another hottie, there’s no doubt, but why did she get Dolce and Gabanna to make her frock out of her old curtains? The fishtail shape is gogeous but that print is wayyyy overboard, and with her dark sultry complexion, total overkill. So that’s my red-carpet round up, hopefully if I keep going at this rate I’ll be there this time next year…….